My Life in Letters – “E” is for evening

photo credit: AlishaV

It might seem strange that a coastal girl like myself is not in love with the sun – is not all beachy keen like many of my southern sisters. But it’s the truth.  I don’t like the sun.  And it has nothing to do with Edward Cullen, it just happens to be something we have in common.

I grew up going to the beach most every weekend. I fished and crabbed with my Dad. I have very fond memories of throwing out the casting net on the bridge in the blistering Georgia sun. The smell of salt marsh was like perfume to me.  I remember many, many weekends spent tanning, well, actually burning, slathering coconut scented oil all over me and timing my turns to make sure I was cooked evenly.

And I tell you those were some of my best days – and some of the best naps I ever had.  After a full day of baking, there’s nothing quite like a shower followed by a nap with the oscillating fan whirring at the foot of your bed – the 110 degree heat outside kept at bay with the rattling window unit.  Dreamy.

However, as I’ve gotten older, I have discovered the dark side and find that it is much more pleasing to me.  I am always enticed by the smell of the evening curling its cool fingers around the daylight, pulling it away – the allure of the moon as she illuminates the darkness and beckons my creative energy to come out and play.

In the evening, I don’t have to wear sunscreen.  I don’t have to wear sunglasses.  There is no covering up to be done.  Everything is out in the open.  And my creativity explodes in this environment.  Although it is dark, everything suddenly seems clearer, sharper to me. My senses come alive.  The sound of the crickets and their humming legs, the smell of the cool, moist darkness as I breathe in the blackness,  everything about the night invigorates me and calms me.

I only run at night.  I prefer to drive at night and have been known to take the extra long way home in the evenings just so I can roll down my windows and feel the evening kiss my skin.  I sit at my desk with my window open, even when it’s really too cold, just so I can hear the pine trees whisper to me and my bamboo wind chimes sing their evening song.  Those same sounds in the daytime just aren’t the same, because things aren’t still enough and the sun is too loud.

Edward Cullen and I have things in common for sure.  But I’m no vampire – I don’t bite.  I just think the sun sucks.

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Musical Mondays

Music has always played an important role in my life. My earliest memory of song is when my mother used to sing “Down in the meadow in a little bitty pool, swam three little fishies and a momma fishy too. Swim said the momma fish swim if you can and they swam and they swam all over the dam. Boom, Boom, Diddum, Daddum, Waddum, Choo” and so on – you get the idea.

Then we progressed to making recordings of us singing along with The Carpenters’ song “Top of the World”. My best friend, Tresha, and I used to do the same thing but with different songs – usually still The Carpenters though.

As a teenager, I can remember sitting in front of my brother’s stereo system, tape recorder with attached microphone in hand, making mix tapes from the radio. I still have some of those cassettes. Sometimes I’d spend hours doing this, waiting for the right songs to come on. There were many times that I’d even call in to request certain songs just so I could have the perfect mix tape – the one that spoke my heart’s feelings at that particular time.

After high school, I was lucky enough to land a job at Turtle’s Record and Tapes (and yes we actually sold vinyl). I took great pride in the fact that I was the go-to girl when it came to a customer who was looking for a particular song that he had heard on the radio but only knew a few words. Usually it went something like this: “I’m looking for this song that I heard on the radio. It’s something about love.” “Oh that song, it’s “Lovesong” by The Cure.” Then I’d play the song and I’d be right 99% of the time. It was awesome.

Even after Turtle’s music was one of the most important things in my life. When I was sad, I could always find a song to make me feel better because the singer was singing my pain. Any emotion I had, there was a song to go with it.

That said, I thought it would be fun to have a part of my blog dedicated to songs that represent the soundtrack to my life. Every Monday I will post a song that is speaking to me and hope that maybe it will speak to you too. Feel free to share your songs with me.

I can’t post the whole song because I can’t figure out how. So here’s a link to Amazon where you can listen to a snippet of it and then buy it if you are so inclined.

Today’s song is “Possibility” by Lykke Li – a song from the New Moon soundtrack (Go Team Edward!).

There’s a Possibility,
There’s a Possibility,
All that I had was all I’m gonn’ get.

There’s a Possibility,
There’s a Possibility,
All I’m gonna get is gonna be yours then
All I’m gonna get is gonna be yours then.

So tell me when you hear my heart stop
You’re the only one that knows
Tell me when you hear my silence
There’s a possibility I wouldn’t know.”

Know that when you leave,
Know that when you leave,
By blood and by me, you walk like a thief, by blood and by me, and I fall when you leave.

So tell me when you hear my heart stop, you’re the only one that knows. Tell me when you hear my silence, there’s a possibility I wouldn’t know.
So tell me when my silence’s over, you’re the reason why I’m closed. Tell me when you hear me falling, there’s a possibility it wouldn’t show.

By blood and by me, and I’ll fall when you leave.
By blood and by me, I follow your lead.

The haunting music and vocals are soothing and unsettling to me at the same time. I think this song echoes the feeling that October always buries deep in my bones. October is a melancholic month for me but also a very creative one. Give it a listen and share your thoughts. I’d love to hear from you.

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They Are Out There

Me and Jacob at Pumpkin Patch

No, I don’t mean aliens – I mean good people.  Honest to goodness, kind-hearted people.  They are out there.

Jacob and I went to see Twilight tonight.  I had been promising him for some time.  He’s grown to love the book simply because he’s had to listen to me go on and on about it for so long.  Anyway I knew that taking him to the movie tonight might be a problem because his tics have been pretty high.  But I also knew that I would take him because I won’t let his tics prevent him from doing what he wants to do.

When we got there no one was in the theater and I sighed and prayed that we would be the only ones.  Not because I am embarrased about Jacob – anyone who knows me will tell you that I proudly display Jacob any chance I get.  No I just knew that if there were other people the staring would start and if it got too bad I was afraid that hurtful things would be said.  Fortunately, with the darkened theater the stares were unnoticeable, but the giggles and the remarks were heard loud and clear.

I have not been one to be very vocal when people stare because I don’t want to make Jacob uncomfortable.  That was not an issue tonight.  Someone yelled something rude out and I stood up and said a few choice words as I told them Jacob had Tourettes.  Even after that it continued periodically.  Let me say here too that Jacob’s tics were not continuous, but periodic although pretty high in intensity.

I sat there with my heart racing tensed up and ready to pounce in defense of Jacob.  And what happened next just broke me down…Jacob reached over to wipe away a tear of mine as he put his arm around me and said, “Don’t cry Mom.  It’s okay.  You believe that don’t you?”  I have raised one hell of a kid more resilient than I could ever hope to be.

When the movie ended we stepped out into the lobby.  A mother with her family came up to me and pulled me into a hug apologizing for the rude people in the theater.  Then a middle aged couple came up and the man was simply infuriated that we were subjected to such insensitivity.  And then a twenty-something girl said she nearly jumped up during the movie and shared a few choice words of her own to those who were being so rude.

I was overcome with such emotion at the outpouring of love from such complete strangers.  They all went out of their way to encourage Jacob and tell him to be strong and to never let anyone make him feel bad for who he is.

These same people followed us to the front and confronted the assistant manager telling him how rude even his employees were.  They were fighting for Jacob, a complete stranger to them.  Fighting for my son.  The manager tried to refund our money but I told him we had no desire to get our money back.  We only wanted people to understand.  He was very sympathetic and apologietic.

As we turned to leave yet another stranger came back inside the theater and walked up to Jacob.  She fought back tears as she apologized to Jacob for being one of the people to laugh and make comments.  She said that she was ashamed of herself and learned a huge lesson from this experience.

All of those people changed me and I know they changed Jacob.  Here’s what I hope for them:  I hope that after this experience they went home and shared their story with others and I hope that knowing Jacob -the kid in the theater, the kid who thanked them for their kindness, the kid who didn’t get upset, the kid with Tourettes- changed their lives forever.  He sure has changed mine.

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