Happy Meal or Crappy Meal? You decide.

photo credit: dno1967

Why is it that something as simple as eating at McDonald’s can cause me so much stress? I wonder if other families are cursing that flame-headed, floppy-footed clown, Ronald, who promises to fill our kids’ tummies with yummy artery-clogging goodies and make every meal a mini birthday by offering a crappy plastic toy. Whose idea was it anyway to bestow cheap plastic tokens upon our kids for doing something as necessary as eating? “Here, honey, let me give you bad food and applaud you for agreeing to eat greasy spud sticks and tastes-like-chicken McNuggets.”

I swore I would not feed my kids this empty guilt food and yet at least once a week I find myself buddying up to the static-spitting speaker asking for some of Ronald’s happiness in a box. I try to make myself feel better by patting myself on the back for not choosing to eat at Krispy Chic or some other grease-laden food hut. Ronald must love our kids because he uses trans fat-free oil to sizzle the vitamins out of the potatoes. He must love our kids because he chooses to offer healthy alternatives like apple sticks with sugar pots of caramel for dipping.

On my next visit I decide to sneak in the apple sticks instead of the fries and am immediately verbally abused by my toddler as he hurtles apple swords at me. So I did what any caring mother would do – I went back to the drive-thru and ordered a small fry for my son. I didn’t even attempt this clever trick with my oldest because he is a product of the health un-conscious, present-less Ronald of not so long ago – the Ronald I grew up with who could have cared less about how happy I was.

As we pull out with our bags of bliss each boy greedily reaches in to retrieve their Golden Arch award for eating – the ever-coveted Happy Meal toy. And the “happiness” begins to spread through the van like a virus. Jacob, the oldest, lets out a cry of disgust as he unveils his toy – a Barbie pinked up from head to toe. “WHY DID THEY GIVE ME A GIRL’S TOY? I NEED TO GO BACK NOW!” I explain that I am not going through the drive-thru a third time and suggest that maybe he could give the toy to his younger brother who seems fascinated by the doll’s splendor. “No way, it’s MY toy. He’s got his own!” I remind Jacob that just moments ago he was extremely upset about the doll. He grins and says, “I think I’ll set her on fire!” Nice. Somehow I don’t think Ronald envisioned infernos in his happy place.

Now Nicholas is upset because his toy car doesn’t DO anything. “What car do Mom-Mom? Where button?” I take the car praying silently that it makes some sort of noise or otherwise cool action so that Nicholas will find some value in it. Nothing. I give it back and smile as I point out that the car has some pretty awesome racing stripes on it. Once again I am convinced that I have an invisible bulls-eye on my forehead as the metal car sails through the air towards my face. Ronald, where, oh where, is the happy?

Again Jacob yells, “I ordered a PLAIN cheeseburger this one has pickles and onions on it!” He passes the burger to me as I try desperately to scrape off the offending food. Then he informs me that he will absolutely not eat it no matter what. “Fine,” I tell him, “but that’s all you’re getting.” He mumbles under his breath something about how unfair I am and I mumble under my breath something about what Ronald can do with his not-so-Happy Meals.

There’s a lesson in here somewhere about how inconvenient convenience is. Or maybe it’s about clowns and how you can’t really trust them. All I know is that the old saying is true – happiness comes from within because it sure as hell doesn’t come from a box with a toy in it.

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My Life in Letters – “H” is for Halloween

Halloween is Dead

Although I love Christmas, I heart Halloween just about as much.  When October arrives with her hair falling in leaves and pine needles all around me and her breath a whispering chill in the air, I begin the preparations for our annual Halloween extravaganza.

I decorate my house for Halloween with the same enthusiasm as I do at Christmas.  I have an equal amount of space in my attic dedicated to bats, bones and orange lights as I do to  angels, snow globes and twinkling stars.

I even put up a Halloween tree.  It’s our tradition to head to the woods to pick out a dead branch with lots of “fingers” for hanging our ornaments on.  I fill a vase with eye balls, put the branch in and hang all our mini Halloween treasures on it.

Gettin' our pumpkin on!

And we LOVE getting pumpkins to carve.  There’s just something about that bright orange orb that takes my breath away.

For the past 6 years or so we have had an annual Halloween party where costumes are optional but encouraged.  This past year Nick was Buzz Lightyear.  Jacob was Mario.  I was Bat Girl.  And Warner was, well…I’ll just post a picture.

Yep, that's my man.

Our parties are never complete until we invite everyone to make a Crazy Creature Cupcake.  I frost the cupcakes ahead of time and put out bowls of different candies and let everyone make their own crazy face on their cupcake.  It’s one night where sugar is available in excess quantities, something that you won’t usually find in my house.  So you can imagine the amount of facial features my kids give their creatures.  Sugar ‘em up and send ‘em home or run ‘em around the track.  They eventually crash and burn, trust me.

So what’s your favorite holiday besides Christmas?  Do you go all out for Halloween like me?  I’d love to hear.

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Five Things Friday (on Saturday) – Products I just don’t get

I think there are some things in this world that we aren’t supposed to get – things that are meant to remain a mystery for a greater purpose.  Then there are some things we just don’t get because they are pure stupidity at its finest, or worst depending on your take.  Here are five things that fall into that category for me.

*Disclaimer:  If you own any of the products I have ridiculed please know that I, too, have owned one or two of them. I’m not saying which two.  That said, I withhold any judgment of you.  You know the whole he who has not been glamoured into buying something stupid can throw the first stone kind of thing.

photo credit: SpecialKRB

1.  Snuggie – I’ve seen the ads with the happy people dancing around all because they are warm and comfy in their colorful potato sacks, and I still don’t get it.  I mean really, what can a Snuggie do that a nice pair of sweats can’t do other than trip you up and make you look like a damn fool with your body all caterpillared up?  Maybe I could see a child using one, maybe- they’d certainly be ready for any grade school field day – a shoe in for the sack race.  But Grandma and Grandpa?  Isn’t it unsafe to wrap senior citizens up like swaddling infants?  Can you imagine Nana trying to help Gramps up from the couch each of them tangled in their bag o’ warmth?   And dogs?  Really?  That’s just what my Min Pin needs a Snuggie to replace the britches that he no longer wears.

photo credit: crimfants

2.   Moon Sand -  My kids saw the commercials for the lunar Play-Doh wannabe, and had to have it.  Honestly, I thought it might be cool.  If you don’t mind having a sandbox in your house, then have at it.  It was a crumbly mess.  Moon sand everywhere.  And it didn’t even boast that intoxicating Play-Doh smell that has even been made into a perfume.  I’ll save my sand building for the beach, thank you very much.

Silicone cutlets

3.   Chicken Cutlets – Okay I got this one, I mean, uh, I get this one, it’s just that I’ve heard it’s not exactly breathable.  What I’m trying to say is that these breast enhancers look more like chicken cutlets to me.  My friend tells me that although they feel real enough they aren’t really comfortable because they get a bit sweaty.  I know, I know, I told her TMI.  I’m just trying to write a blog here people and deliver you the truth as I know it.  So stay with me, even in the rough spots.

4.   Instant Face  Lift Tape - We all want to look younger.  I’ve reached an age where I am beginning to understand the urgency some people feel to keep their youthful appearance.  Someone, somewhere, was sitting at home watching his kid playing with Scotch tape when he had a V-8 moment.  He ran into the room where his wife was and said, “Honey you gotta see this!”  He takes her to the living room where little Jimmy has successfully camouflaged himself as a parcel and says, “It’s brilliant!”  She is confused by his proclamation, so he grabs the tape dispenser and starts to work on her face.  In a matter of minutes he has transformed his tired, Shih Tzu faced wife into a glamor kitten.  Meow!  For sweat resistant extra staying power duct tape is a  viable option.

Bark Blocks

5.   Bark Blocks - I realize I am probably one of the few people who doesn’t really get bark blocks.  I know they are au natural and very eco cool and all that, but I’ve got plenty of sticks in the pine tree lot across the street.  I wonder if I could put a $55 price tag on a bundle of those.  Hmmmm, might be worth a shot.  Just trying to think outside the blocks.

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Five Things Friday – reasons why this post will be late

photo credit: Stuart Conner

1.  I ran 3 miles today – I haven’t run in months.  I am a glutton for death by treadmill.

2.  I got sucked into a show called Supernatural.  Translated:  I sat on the couch for an hour – long enough to realize how tired I was.

3.  I have written 4 chapters on my book this week and will finish the second draft this weekend.  I’m brain dead and I have no words left.

4.   I am congested beyond belief…again!  I’m doing the snot pot twice a day and yet I am still in full mucous production mode. YUCK!

5.   I made the mistake of having a glass of wine, as I sat on the couch and that was all she wrote.  Literally.  I’m done for now.

Please check out a new FTF post on Saturday!  I’m going to bed!

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Guest Post and Giveaway: Enter to Win a Copy of the award winning book “The Momnificent! Life” by Lori Radun

I met Lori online a couple of months ago and felt an instant connection because she seemed like someone who had her life together and I am someone who is trying to do the same.  That said, I bought her book.  Although I haven’t had time to read it yet (because I am so terribly unorganized and frazzled), I have flipped through it and am very excited about what she has to offer.  I think you will be too.  Take it away Lori:

Have you ever wondered what it takes to live a momnificent™ life? Or perhaps you’re asking yourself “What in the world does “momnificent™” mean?” Momnificent™ isn’t in the dictionary, but maybe some day it will be. As a coach who works with amazing moms everyday, I asked myself what I want moms to feel on a day in and day out basis. The word that came to me was magnificent; and so momnificent™ was born.

Momnificent!™ is a mindset, a feeling and a word that describes every mom that gets up every morning in service to her family and gives it her best shot. Momnificent!™ is not about perfection. There is no such thing as a perfect mom, a perfect home, a perfect marriage, or perfect children. Who would want that anyway? Momnificent!™ is, however, a way of life that is built on 8 essential ingredients.

When you develop and practice these important life skills, your life will be magnificent, and you will feel momnificent!™

Confidence
Confidence is about knowing who you are and being accepting of who you are, in any given moment. Confidence in all areas of your life will help you be successful as a mom, a woman, a wife, or in any other role you decide to identify with. As you grow and become clear about who you are as an individual, your confidence will blossom. When you practice new skills and live more fully into who you wish to be, your confidence grows. Confident moms cultivate confident children.

Spiritual Foundation
At Momnificent!™, we believe there is a God at work in this Universe, and not all things in life are within our control. When you build your life on a spiritual foundation, there is value and purpose to your life. There is hope, strength and peace in placing your faith in a God that is bigger, wiser and greater than yourself. You have access to an abundant supply of love and patience for motherhood.

Healthy Boundaries
Healthy boundaries in your life protects what is most important to you. Boundaries help you decide what you are willing to tolerate and what you are not. They provide the walls around your life that enable you to maintain a positive and healthy life; a life that is specifically designed to work for you.

Positive Energy
As moms, we need a rich reserve of positive energy; energy for ourselves, our family and the world. By learning to identify and manage energy drains and committing to engage in activities that refuel you, you will have the physical energy you need to be productive, the emotional energy to be available and enthusiastic, and the mental energy to be creative and resourceful.

Healthy and Supportive Relationships
We were created to be in relationship with one another, and we cannot successfully manage life alone. Relationships, when healthy and supportive, have the ability to provide a great amount of joy. They provide the playground for us to learn about who we are, and who we are not. Strong relationships are the backbone that holds us up when we are falling down.

Life Balance
Balance in life is something we practice from moment to moment knowing that our concept of balance can change over time. Balance enables you to custom design your life according to what’s most important to you. You are happiest when you are living your life in alignment with your truest self.

Self-Care
Moms who practice regular self-care know that it is essential to put their oxygen mask on first before they help their children. Without nurturing your physical, emotional, mental and spiritual wellbeing, you will eventually burn out. To give your best, you need to be at your best and self-care renews and refreshes your body, mind and soul.

Nurturing and Effective Parenting
It’s the one life skill you can’t get away from as long as you are a mom. Parenting your children is a significant part of your life and almost always dominates your time. Living into your own personal definition of what it means to be a “good mom” is the central focus of your existence while your children are in your home.

It is important to acknowledge, however, that being a mom is not our entire identity. We were women before we became moms, and we will always be women. We are friends and daughters, and some of us are wives and career professionals. Being a mom is a part, and a very important part, but certainly not the whole of who you are. While working on your parenting skills helps you be a better mom, developing yourself in other areas helps you be a model of a successful leader for your children. Our world needs a new generation of healthy and positive leaders, and we are the ones bringing up this new generation.

Being a mom is a tough job, but one filled with great joys and opportunities to learn more about who we are as women. Put a smile on a mom’s face and go out and tell a mom “You are momnificent!”

Lori Radun is a certified life coach, and the author of the award winning book “The Momnificent! Life – Healthy and Balanced Living for Busy Moms”. As a mom of two boys, she understands the challenges of motherhood and her mission is to help moms minimize stress, balance their many roles, and take action on what’s important to them so they can create magnificent lives, families and businesses. To join her popular Momnificent! Mom Club and to receive inspiration and tips to make motherhood easier and more enjoyable, visit www.momnificent.com

Lori is giving away an autographed copy of her book “The Momnificent! Life”, along with a pink Momnificent! notebook, and purple Momnificent! travel mug for one lucky, but busy and on-the-go mom.

To enter to win The Momnificent! Life Gift Pack, simply leave a comment about which of the eight tips above you need the most help with.

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My Life in Letters – “G” is for ghosts

Ghost Eddie

I’m a spooky kind of girl.  I dig ghosts.  Always have.  Something about the supernatural fascinates me and I aspire to actually be a ghost one day.  Something tells me I might just get my wish.

My fascination with the other world really started around the age of 19 after my father died.  I needed to believe because if I didn’t then that meant he was gone forever.  And that wasn’t what I needed.  So I began to believe.

A couple of days after he died my mom and I were at my brother’s house.  He mentioned my Dad’s Cincinnati Reds baseball cap and thanked us for bringing it to him.  But here’s the thing – we didn’t bring it to him.  And no one else did either.  At least no one in the earthly realm.  The hat just sort of appeared front and center on the kitchen counter one day.  This was proof to me that my dad was still hanging around.

Years later when I followed a boy a long way from home and settled in Memphis, I had an experience of my own.  I was very unhappy in Memphis.  It was just too far from family and things weren’t going great with the boy.  I didn’t know what to do.  One night I had a dream that changed my life.  I was walking through the woods and there was a cabin in the middle of an open patch.  The sun was shining directly on that cabin in a very concentrated beam.  I was drawn to it.

When I walked through the door, I was in a room that was empty except for one wooden chair sitting in the center.  Someone or something was sitting in that chair but the light that came through the one window was shining right on the chair and it was brilliantly, blindingly bright.

I walked forward.  As I got a bit closer, I could see someone in the chair.  The face was shrouded by the light, but I could make out two arms reaching out to me.  I wasn’t afraid.  I walked closer and my breath caught in my throat – it was my Dad.

With tears rolling down my face, I went to him.  He didn’t say a word.  He only smiled as he wrapped his arms around me.  When I woke up I knew that Daddy had visited me.  And I knew what I needed to do.  Within a week, I had moved back home.

I’ve had several visits from him since then.  There was a corner in my old house that he seemed to prefer.  I had a picture of him and my mom getting ready to go to their senior prom.  Daddy was wearing a white sports coat.  When I saw him in that corner, he was 18 again and wearing that same coat.  He just stood there smiling at me.  He has never talked to me.  I don’t know if he can’t or if he just feels like no words are necessary.

In that same house one night when I was getting Jacob to sleep (he was about 5), I saw as clear as day a bright orb hovering above him as he slept.  I swatted at it because I didn’t know what it was.  Of course, I didn’t make contact with anything.  I watched it for a bit and then it sort of just dissipated.  I felt like it was his guardian angel letting me know that he was being watched over.

My husband’s mother, Boni, has also visited us on several occasions.  Most recently she spoke to us through an toy guitar of Nick’s.  Boni was a musician so it came as no surprise to us.  I caught it on video:

Guitarboni2

My favorite shows are about paranormal experiences.  TV shows:   Ghost Hunters, Paranormal State, Psychic Kids.    The Sixth Sense is one of my all time favorite movies.  My favorite book right now is James Van Praagh’s Unfinished Business.

I still continue to experience spiritual phenomena.  Some might call it coincidence or imagination, but I know it’s real.

And I have begged my mom, who shares my same paranormal beliefs, to promise me that she will come back and visit me after she dies.  Mom reassured me and said she will always be with me.  But now I’m wondering if that is a promise or a threat!

The way I see it, how could there not be spirits everywhere?  Energy never dies.  So when we die where does our energy go?  I believe it’s all around us.  And if you’re lucky and you believe, maybe you’ll get a glimpse of it like I have.

Do you believe in ghosts?  Have you ever had a paranormal experience?  I’d love to hear your thoughts.

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Five Things Friday – Sounds I hate

photo credit: Digital Magic Photography

We all have them – sounds that drive us crazy. It might be the sound of dogs barking, or the sound of nails on a chalkboard. Whatever it is, it sets us on edge, makes us crazy. Here are five sounds that make my skin crawl and, at times, cause me to consider violence.

1. Mouth sounds – More specifically chewing, smacking, gum popping, swallowing, sometimes breathing. Yeah, dinnertime is a blast for me. I have no idea why these sounds are so nerve wracking, but I have been known to ask someone to stop chewing so close to me. Sometimes I just want to punch people in the face. This usually doesn’t go over very well.

2. Babies crying – As I sit here writing this in the library, there is a toddler crying a river at the front desk. I can’t see the child so I’m not sure why he’s crying, but it doesn’t sound good and it’s making me hurt. Literally. Something changed in me when I had my first child for 12 years. Whatever wire in me that made me cut my eyes to any parent whose child was invading my peace with some brat-infested fit, has been rewired. My circuitry has changed. When I hear a child cry now it takes everything I have not to pick him up and soothe him. Momma through and through, that’s me. It’s even worse when the parent doesn’t acknowledge the tears or worse yet, when they tell the child to shut up or else. Or else what? You’re going to beat the crap out of them and make them cry more? Not exactly conducive to getting the child to shut up, huh?

3. Motorcycles – Okay all you bikers, nothing personal, but I HATE motorcycles. Well, maybe not motorcycles in general. I mean I can appreciate the coolness of a bike – I had my banana-seated Schwinn – I’m cool that way. But Schwinn’s are a quiet breed, unlike the thundering rattle of a motorcycle. I can be sitting in my van at a red light minding my own business, when all of a sudden the light turns green and holy hell breaks loose all around me as some biker dude shoots past and I understand why God made Depends because I nearly made water all over the leather seats.

4. Water dripping – The sound of water dripping makes me need to pee. (I just realized that this is the second time I have made reference to my bladder. That can’t be good.) Once I hear the sound the first time, it won’t go away. I can try to mask it with other sounds but it’s stuck in my head and all I can think about is needing to pee. Those relaxing desktop waterfalls? Same thing. Nothing relaxing about needing to pee every 2 minutes. I know now why Chinese water torture works. It doesn’t drive you insane, it just forces you to tell the truth so you can get on with it and request a bathroom pass. Nothing fun about holding it in.

5. Silence – I know what you’re thinking – wouldn’t a person who’s annoyed by sounds, by life, enjoy a moment of intense quiet? Let me explain. I don’t like silence when I’m sleeping. Now it’s definitely not that I enjoy hearing other things happening in the house while I’m sleeping, I don’t. In fact, even the muted sounds of TV, coming through the walls makes me want to shove cotton in my ears, but I can’t because it’s too quiet then. I’m an odd one, I know. The thing is, I enjoy selective silence while I snooze. I have to have a fan on for white noise. The fan cannot be oscillating because that is just obnoxious. Once I tried to substitute my fan with the sound of rain on my iPod. To see how that turned out refer to #4. When I go on vacations, I take my fan with me. So I enjoy the quiet, just not too much and only if it’s the right kind. Got it?

Here’s a thought I’ll leave you with: I find it quite ironic that I am a person who is highly sensitive to sounds and yet, I am the mother of a child with Tourette’s Syndrome. Just sayin’.

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Special Moxie Post: The “F” Club welcomes its newest member

New "F" Club Member Warner McGee

This is an extra special post for an extra special guy.  Today is my husband Warner’s birthday.  And I’d like to take a moment to welcome  him to a club that I have been a member of for a little over two years – the “F” club.  As a member of the “F” club you are entitled to an unlimited supply of joints, uh, I mean achy joints, although the other kind would probably ease some of the pain of being inducted as a member.

As an “F” club member you can look forward to other benefits such as the distinguished graying hair of a true gentleman, never being asked for your id when you purchase grown-up “juice”, the ability to rise slowly and with great drama from circle time at your child’s school, thus forcing the hot, young teachers to ask if they can help you sir, the pleasure of being your own percussion section as your bones creak and your joints pop in rhythm with your stride.

Yes, these and more await you in the “F” club.  A  few exclusive members, like myself,  have even received the highest honor – the title of Weatherbone.

So Warner, I hereby declare you an official member of the “F” club.  Happy birthday, Mister Man…I’ve been waiting for you.

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New Moxie Update

Moxie

Just wanted to give you all a Moxie update. I’ve been getting some getting some great feedback from all of my readers. Thank you so much!
That said, I’m going to be trying a new format on Moxie. I’ll do a weekly post on Tuesdays and will continue on with my Five Things Fridays and My Life in Letters on Sundays.
Of course if anything comes up and I feel the need to give you some unexpected Moxie action, then I reserve the right to do so!
So let’s recap: Expect to get your sass kicked on Tuesdays, Fridays and Sundays.

But for today, I’d like to leave you with a new favorite of mine, Pomplamoose.  If you haven’t heard them, you have been deprived.  Allow me to educate you.

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Bare Minerals Lip Gloss Giveaway winners

Visit Rethinkwhatmatters.com

Thank you to all who entered the contest.  The two glossy winners are:

dreamzz12

drubish

For those of you who didn’t win, I’ll be hosting another giveaway soon so keep gettin’ your Moxie on.  Until then, may the sass be with you!

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