Posts tagged: Deepak Chopra

An Open Letter to Deepak Chopra, the Banisher of All Disease

Creative Commons License photo credit: antonikon

Please listen to the following audio before you read and you will have a much better understanding of my sick humor…I think.

07 Banishing Disease

Mr. Chopra,

I wanted to thank you for all you have done for me.  Well, for me and my body I guess I should say.  Before I discovered your meditation CD, I was sick and tired.

My mind constantly raced with worry and stress, and I searched endlessly for that person or thing that would lead me to my peace – my internal place of rest.

I tried Benadryl in the evenings with a wine chaser or two.  Many nights my good friend Sailor Jerry attempted to calm me.  I tried running but found that I couldn’t run away from my thoughts.  I even tried long evening drives but only drove myself crazier because I couldn’t see a damn thing.

Then one day as I was watching Madagascar with my youngest son, King Julian bounded across the screen, prancing in all of his lemur grandeur and I thought he sounds just like Deepak Chopra.

It’s that voice of yours – it’s so mesmerizing even coming from a dancing, effeminate, booty-shaking lemur.

I jumped up, grabbed my laptop and did a search on iTunes for you and was thrilled from my scalp to my metatarsals to see that you had individual meditations for my very specific needs.

As a product of Catholic schools , I find great enjoyment in reciting repetitive phrases in a monotone voice, so you can imagine my joy in discovering your meditation series chock full of repetition set to a Middle Eastern snake-charming beat.  I mean really, could it get any better?

I must admit that I was a bit thrown by your uber-specific banishments, but I was happy to see that you became a bit less specific when mentioning those parts that make us girls or boys.  Thank you for your discretion.

How do you do it Deep C?  Banishing disease must be exhausting work and yet you do it with such finesse.

Ah, Deep Chop, it’s true, laughter is the best medicine of all.  You had me at heads, shoulders, knees and toes and then you took it over the top before bringing it right down to the bottom again.

I am in tears after listening to your “Banish Disease” meditation – tears of fitful laughter.    My sinews thank you, my forearms thank you, my entrails thank you.  Yes, Deep Chop I thank you from the top of my head to my….well, to my anus.  Although I’m quite certain I don’t and never have had a diseased anus, it’s nice to know you’ve covered all the bases.  One can never be too sure, right?  Disease has a way of creeping up on a person in the most unfortunate of places.

Whenever I’m feeling diseased all I have to do is listen to your meditation and suddenly I feel so much better.  I guess it’s true what they say – laughter is the best medicine!

May your entrails remain free from entanglement and your anus free from all disease.

Namaste, my friend.

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