Lately I’ve been battling with some pretty big issues. Life issues.
Much of it has to do with being 43 and being a girl and all.
I’ve sunk to the depths and dragged my aging ass along the sandy bottoms of depression and overwhelm. But now thanks to a 28-day lifesaver in the dainty blue packaging my hormones are beginning to simmer down some…I think.
But this summer was a suck. Heat indexes of 116 don’t go well with a person whose inner inferno now houses Satan. Hot Momma took on a whole new meaning.
And there was this terrible feeling of disconnect pulling me farther and farther from my life. Like a character in an episode of Twilight Zone I felt like I was watching from the outside as my life carried on around me. Eventually, like me, that started getting old.
I decided to give it my best Helen Reddy and go all lion on this thing called menopause. I am woman, hear me roar. I am queen of this thing called me and while there are some things I can’t control (like my bladder on occasion) there are other things I can and will control.
So I picked up a book that I read long before kids, long before aging meant anything more to me than a free pass to buy Sun Country 2 Liter wine coolers whenever I wanted, long before it was relevant. The book is How to Simplify Your Life. And when I saw it on the shelf it spoke to me and said, “Now, dummy, now is the time for simplification.”
So I’ve been reading it and trying to put some of its practical wisdom into practice. Things like make a list of those things you want to do in life and then cut that down to what is really feasible. Well, damn. My list began to dwindle quickly.
I mean realistically will I ever find the time to learn Gaelic because it would be cool if I ever went to Ireland and met Celtic Thunder and had the opportunity to impress them all with my mad skills? Am I ever truly going to be on Dancing with the Stars (three potential problems there – two left feet and one lacking star), and do summer theater, and become a piano and/or guitar playing mofo?
So I’ve begun to pare down my list to things I really can do, things that really matter and will fulfill me rather than overwhelm me with their presence on my life list.
I’m taking a mini-pause in life to consider the value of those things that take up my time, because the older I get the more I realize that my confidence is not nearly as bold as Mick’s and I’m not going to put my faith in the belief that “time is on my side”. I’m going to put my faith in this little thing called me and try to come up with a plan to make me happy.
Wish me luck.